the grand coal mines of yore

Kids these days have it too easy with their cellphones and both of their arms to be able to pop smoke soap balls out of my cocktails. Garry had no parents, we were all orphans, but in a way, we were all like family, brothers in arms, I say! I remember telling No-Arm Craig to be careful with what he ate, I always told him: “No-Arm Craig, you have got to cultivate a healthy malnourishment otherwise you will grow too big to operate the machinery” but he would always ignore me… after the accidental detonation of 20 kgs of TNT near No-Arm Craig he was never the same, started ignoring us, would not react to anything we said at all. After ignoring my warnings about his way-too-healthy of a diet he grew too big and would not fit on the small holes in the mine anymore… they had to move him to The Factory after that, and I never heard from him since… he probably did well, all the elderly people in The Factory lived to be at least 35… I still remember the fun stories Uncle No-Eye McClooney had about The Factory…